She said her name was "party"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
