you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
