dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
