There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
