In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
