did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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