you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
