Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize