Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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