Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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