You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
