so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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