Dual....:-)
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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