I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
