any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
