shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
