I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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