Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Randomize
