the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize