Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
