WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
