the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
