my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
