david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
