sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
