Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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