Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
