Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize