Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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