yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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