If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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