A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
