We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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