and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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