she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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