i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
