i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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