I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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