Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
