i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
