He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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