Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
