Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
