How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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