Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
