just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
