I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
