He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
