you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I smell like Dick and happiness
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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