What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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