Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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