Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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