After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
