Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
