I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
