please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
