i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
