I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
