At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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