thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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