so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
